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Home Video Games Are Just Pressing Buttons, Says Polygon Writer

Video Games Are Just Pressing Buttons, Says Polygon Writer World's smallest violin heard playing in background

Derek Baroni

Derek is in search of a real life Super Saiyan mode. He just needs to find the balls!

June 8, 2015 Industry
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For many people, working as a video game journalist is a dream come true. Being able to express yourself creatively, share your thoughts with the audience (no matter how small), and sparking a discussion is what really matters. But for others, getting paid to be a mainstream video game journalist who’s carted around to all-expense-paid parties with free food where he gets to play the latest unreleased games is utter torture.

rock band colin campbell except for me

In what has to be the most pretentious article ever published online, Polygon’s Colin Campbell laments the fact that it was his job to attend the recent exclusive preview of Rock Band 4, held on the rooftop of a Santa Monica hotel. The entire article is chock full of angst and reads like a 13-year-old emo girl’s journal or a depressed man’s “farewell world” note.

rock band colin campbell I don't like loud noises

You want to believe it’s some kind of elaborate attempt at satire, but it’s not. The article keeps going and going, layering one depressing sentence on top of another like a horrible car pileup that’s mesmerizing and horrible at the same time and you just can’t look away.

rock band colin campbell my life has no meaning

I refuse to believe that the publication of this article was just a fluke. This is the type of cynicism Devin Wilson suggested in his “guide to ending gamers” published on Gamasutra, where he said that fun is just a neurological trick. The good news is that the commenters on the article—even those used to Polygon’s rock bottom journalistic standards—expressed utter disbelief at how limp and lifeless it was.

In the end, the secret to success and personal happiness is very simple: do what you enjoy. For Colin Campbell, this apparently means doing anything other than playing video games. For the rest of us, it’s everything other than reading Polygon.

P.S. Click here for a dramatic reading of the article by TotalBiscuit.

Read More: 3 Ways Women Have Ruined Video Games

Jun 8, 2015Derek Baroni
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Derek Baroni

Derek is in search of a real life Super Saiyan mode. He just needs to find the balls!

June 8, 2015 Industry
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