Ladies and gentlemen, I made a mistake last night. I went to the Steam Greenlight page for Revolution 60, the iOS love child of Brianna Wu currently seeking a PC release, watched the trailer determined to be neutral in the matter, saw a game which was not worth purchasing, and voted “No Thanks/Not Interested.” You may ask, “If the game looks like a bad PS1 title with lifeless voice acting, poor animation and hyper-sexualized, unrealistic depictions of women, isn’t voting no the right thing?”
At first glance, yes. Voting “No Thanks/Not Interested” on the Revolution 60 Greenlight page is, on the surface, the right thing to do. Certainly there are more deserving titles on Greenlight. On merits alone, Revolution 60 does not deserve a platform on which to be sold, and that’s all that should matter.
However, as my thoughts lingered on my choice, I realized that I had made the wrong one. I should have voted “Yes”. I should convince everyone I know to vote “Yes.” And I am going to try my hardest to convince you to vote “Yes” for Revolution 60 right now. Why, may one ask?
Because we’re facing a kek of currently unrealized purportions.
On the value of Steam Reviews alone, this game is worth hitting the Steam portal. If you’ve read Steam Reviews for terrible games before, you know that it’s comedy gold. For those of you who haven’t, here is a small selection:
“Only recommended if you want to gift it to your arch enemy.”
-animalica, World Truck Racing
“This was recommended to me and I now have trust issues.”
mudjunkie, Infestation: Survivor Stories (formerly The War Z)
“Can i have my money back?”
-Madone, Kick-Ass 2
“If your The warden of a prison, use this as a alternative method for The electric chair.”
-Morgon Gordon the Freeman, Day One: Garry’s Incident
Like I said, great stuff. Now imagine if all these reviews were collated for your viewing pleasure in one convenient place. That convenient place is destined to be the Revolution 60 Steam page. I would hang out there and hit refresh ALL DAY. Family members would show concern and disgust. I might actually require an intervention.
This is what we’re giving up on by not voting for Brianna Wu’s game! But believe it or not, there’s actually a much better reason for voting “Yes.”
The inevitable showdown between Wu and Totalbiscuit
This game is BEGGING for a “WTF is…” episode (for those of you who aren’t subscribed to Totalbiscuit, “WTF is…” is his series of game reviews). This is the inevitable sequence of events which will take place if Totalbiscuit reviews Brianna Wu’s game:
1. Totalbiscuit reviews Revolution 60. In his review, he will attempt to play the game, despite the embarrasingly poor graphics, horrific and stale voice acting, and gameplay which consists almost entirely of quick time events (QTEs). After one final attempt to get through a QTE without vomiting, Totalbiscuit will throw in the towel and loudly proclaim something to the effect of, “This is got to be in the top ten of the worst games I have ever played, and I’ve played Airport Simulator 2014 and Day One: Garry’s Incident. This game makes those games look like Beethoven’s Ninth.”
2. After hearing about (not watching, mind you) Totalbiscuit’s video, completing her tirade on Twitter about how sexist Totalbiscuit is, and quickly being “harassed” (read: corrected) by TB’s followers, Brianna Wu initiates a Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) strike on YouTube against Totalbiscuit. (If you have popcorn, now would be a good time to put it in the microwave).
3. Totalbiscuit makes another video bashing the morally reprehensible act of using copyright law to silence criticism, and calls for Brianna Wu to apologize.
If the above seems familiar, it ought to. This is exactly what occurred with the “WTF is… Day One: Garry’s Incident“ video. Wild Game Studios initiated a DMCA strike against Totalbiscuit after he posted an accurate critique against their terrible, no good game. Of course, after receiving backlash from virtually every corner of the internet and realizing the negative press they were generating would put them out of business for good, Wild Game Studios issued an apology and withdrew their claim against Totalbiscuit.
And here, ladies and gentlemen, is where we deviate from the past. No one at Wild Games Studios was stupid enough to think criticism of their game was driven by sexism, misogyny, or gaming controversy—they were only interested in silencing it. But you know who is exactly that kind of stupid? Brianna Wu.
4. Brianna Wu refuses to relinquish the DMCA strike against Totalbiscuit. Months of drama ensue (Top your popcorn with butter and enjoy!).
DMCA strikes against YouTubers are no joke. For one thing, the “infringing content” (i.e. the video the DMCA strike was issued against) is immediately taken down. The account of the YouTuber can be suspended in some cases, although with Totalbiscuit it does not seem likely. The YouTuber usually files a counterclaim, at which point arbitration is attempted, something that seems likely to not have any success in this scenario. Though that took almost no time at all to type, the process in the previous sentence can take months. And that’s if both sides are comprised of reasonable human beings, which isn’t the case with Brianna Wu.
Can you imagine the comedy level here?!? It’s OVER 9000! We’re talking the toppest kek of any previously seen kek. For years afterward, anytime someone comments “Top Kek,” the comment immediately afterward will read, “After the Brianna Wu/Totalbiscuit Rev 60 debacle, of course.”
For the entertainment of the world, nay, even the high technology aliens monitoring our transmissions at this very moment, I implore you to stop everything and vote “Yes” for Revolution 60. You’ll be making the world a better place, one peal of laughter at a time.